105 – Top 5 Old People Who Could Kick Your Ass

February 24, 2021

Age is just a number, especially to these butt-whoopin’ seniors.

When we think of old people it is easy to immediately imagine that stereotype of a feeble hunched-back, white-haired individual that’s slowly shuffling along with their walking cane and shaking their fist at kids. Well today’s nominees completely shatter that stereotype in such a way that if you were to ever compare them to it, you would wish you never mentioned it. Join Tuong La and Ass Kicking Experts Kristine Shadid, Paul JP, and Amanda Parker as they clench their butts while talking about Top 5 Old People Who Could Kick Your Ass!

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Ground Rules

  • Accordion to the Government of Ontario, a senior is someone over the age of 65 so that is the approximate age we are going off of. (ie anyone 64 or under is immediately disqualified).
  • Of course, we are going to rank fictional vs non-fictional old people and put them in the same list because it’s more fun this way
  • If a nomination is of a species that does not age quickly, then the nomination must be “old” for that species. (ie Baby Yoda is a “baby” even though he’s 50).
  • We will favour nominations who historically have kicked ass more or have done it more than a single event.
  • Nominations should have the capacity to kick ass and not someone who is strong but is too gentle to hurt anyone.
  • Ass kicking could be physical or emotional.
  • Emotional ass kicking is up to interpretation. It could be someone who just gets inside your head and makes you go crazy OR someone who motivates you to be a better version of yourself (like a coach would).

5. Jane Fonda

4. Alfred Pennyworth (DC Comic’s Batman)

3. Sylvester Stallone

2. Rich Sanchez (Rick & Morty)

1. Jackie Chan

Tuong’s List

  • Jackie Chan
  • Rick Sanchez (Rick & Morty)
  • Yoda (Star Wars)
  • Gandalf (Lord of the Rings)
  • Magneto (X-Men)
  • Sir Ian Mckellen
  • Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
  • Master Roshi (Dragon Ball Z)
  • Professor X (X-Men)
  • Uncle (Jackie Chan Adventure)
  • Lew Hollander
  • Miss Venus Ramey
  • Ann Timson
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • Mr. Miyagi (Karate Kid)
  • Betty White
  • Danny Trejo
  • Willie Murphy
  • Han Solo (Star Wars Force Awakens)

Kristine’s List

  • Robert Freeman (The Boondocks)
  • Sylvester Stallone
  • Jessica Lange (All her characters in American Horror Story)
  • Robert De Niro
  • Hurricane Hazel McCallion (Former Mayor Of Mississauga)
  • Gandalf (The Lord of the Rings)
  • Samuel L. Jackson
  • Jigsaw
  • Carl Weathers
  • Dumbledore (Harry Potter)
  • Voldemort (Harry Potter)
  • Tywin Lannister (Game of Thrones)
  • Gran Torino (My Hero Academia)
  • Alfred Pennyworth (DC Comic’s Batman)
  • Mr. Miyagi (The Karate Kid)
  • Annie Lennox
  • Cruella de Vil
  • Mike Ehrmantraut (Breaking Bad)

Just Under 65

  • Dolph Lundgren
  • Giancarlo Esposito

Paul’s List

  • Old Man Logan (X-Men, Logan)
  • Alfred Pennyworth (DC Comic’s Batman)
  • Gran Torino (My Hero Academia)
  • Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th)
  • Gandalf (Lord of the Rings)
  • Heihachi Mishima (Tekken)

  • Princess Katana (Mortal Kombat)
  • Magneto (X-Men)
  • Wylie Burp (An American Tale: Fievel Goes West)
  • Mr. Miyagi (The Karate Kid)
  • Impa (The Legend of Zelda)
  • Master Oogway (Kung Fu Panda)
  • Christopher Lee

Amanda’s List

  • Jane Fonda
  • Uncle Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
  • Liam Neeson
  • Gandalf (The Lord of the Rings)
  • Bryan Mills (Taken)
  • Darth Vader (Star Wars)
  • Bill (Kill Bill)
  • Zeus
  • King Triton

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