30 – 2nd Annual Top 5 Ways to…(According to Improvisors)

Yes and…we’ll do this episode for a second year in a row!

Welcome to the second year of a THREE in ONE Ranked episode where we put 15 improv groups on the spot from the Ottawa Improv Festival 2018 to weigh in on three questions that only improvisors can answer! Join Tuong La and co-host wannabes Angus MacDonald, Leslie Cserepy while we make a Top 5 and RANK other people’s answers! Also we get a surprise visit from an old “friend” from Marvel’s hit Netflix show Daredevil…

The three questions we asked improvisors this episode were:

  1. Top 5 Ways to Escape from a Prison Full of Chimp Ninjas
  2. Top 5 Ways to Get Back at Your School Bully from 20 Years Ago
  3. Top 5 Ways to Turn Sasquatch from Crud to Stud

Below are all the ranked lists of all three questions plus honorable mentions from Tuong, Leslie, and Angus. Detailed description of these answers are in the episode itself so give it a listen so you know what the hell we are talking about! Thanks to all our guests who were involved in making this episode!

Top 5 Ways to Escape from a Prison Full of Chimp Ninjas

5. “Skin Costume” – Meghan Murphy (Embassy Q)

4. “Pecan Trap Door” – Sara Burns (Big Bang Improv)

3. “Ghost Sheets” – David Kauffman (Crybabies)

2. “Disarm them with Care” – Jonathan Shaboo (Humans of Improv)

1. “Barrel of Monkeys” – Dani Alon (Improv Embassy)

Honorable Mentions


  • Hire Donkey Kong as your hitman
  • get your scientist friend to make growth hormones injected into a giant banana and when they eat it that person explodes
  • become a sex slave, get the head chimp to fall in love with you, and take down the operation from the inside


  • contact Samurai Lemurs to break you out
  • study Chimp Law
  • Sneak out in bin full of banana peels


  • Shave all your hair (pubes included), glue stick it all to your body and sneak out
  • go to the top of a building and throw barrels at chimps
  • hire Jane Goodall the ape lady

Top 5 Ways to Get Back at your School Bully 20 years later

5. “Not Remember Them and Stab Them in the Neck”-  Michael Mongiardi & Carolyne Das (Greasy Pizza Kisses)

4. “Hug it Out and Make Peace with It” – Ryan Mulligan (A Little Awkward)

3. “Kick them in the Nards, Catfish them, Get Married to them, and Divorce”- Dale Bernier,Joe Conto, Ariel Deroo, Jiva Kalan (Coffee Break)

2. “Moana No Show” – Geoff Cork (Orson Whales)

1.”1988 Civic No Cum” – Tom Hearn, Kyah Green (The Party Show)

Honorable Mentions


  • Play a game of Russian Roulette
  • invite them over for dinner, fill them up real good, and then when they have to go to the bathroom lock the door and then explode the house


  • become a “Land Baron” in that persons neighborhood and rent the housing to the worst people on earth and surround that guy with those people
  • become their boss and be shitty to them
  • make them hate what they love


  • hire a model that looks like you, create a paper trail to convince them that’s you, get married, and at the ceremony unveil the veil and then gouge their eyes out with a potato peeler
  • create a machine that changes their perspective of the world so everything is 5 inches to the left
  • Black Mirror them

Top 5 Ways to Turn Sasquatch from Crud to Stud

5. “Big Clown Shoes” – Mike Kosowan (Grimprov)

4. “Dip, Trip, Snip” – Dan Lajoie (Crush Improv)

3.  “Self-improvement”- Monica Granados,Hayley Kellett, Oliver Pavia, Zoë Barrett-Wood (Making Box Brigade)

2. Abominable Makeover – Matt Folliott (K$M)

1. “Black Girl Magic” – Coko Galore & Daphney Joseph (Coko & Daphne)

Honorable Mentions


  • Shoot him in a commercial for axe body spray
  • Truman Show him but in this reality he knows he’s in a TV show
  • (taking the questions very literally) dip him in a swamp of poo (crud) and then use new age technology to turn him into a wall stud


  • try to convince the world to be hairy
  • get him on the Bachelor
  • play up his best feature


  • get Sasquatch to take an improv class
  • scavenger hunt of nice things for sasquatch and then it culminates in a big party of cryptids
  • buy vitamin B powder and tell him it’s coke and he finds out later it was inside him all along




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